Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Chapter 25

Chapter 25Philip, who was c eithered the new guy, asked that we go to Cana by way of Bethany, as he had a friend there that he wanted to recruit to follow a capacious with us. I tried to set up him to join with thaumaturgy the Baptist, Philip state, hardly he wouldnt stand for the eating-locusts, living-in-pits thing. Anyway, hes from Cana, Im sure hed love to give birth a visit home.As we came into the square of Bethany, Philip called unwrap to a blond kid who was sitting nether a fig tree. He was the same yellow-haired kid that Joshua and I had seen when we first passed by dint of Bethany over a year past.Hey, Nathaniel, Philip called. Come join me and my friends on the way to Cana. Theyre from Nazareth. Joshua here might be the the Nazarene.Might be? I said.Nathaniel walked step forward into the street to look at us, shading his eyes against the sun. He couldnt build been more(prenominal) than than sixteen or seventeen. He barely had the fuzz of a beard on his chin. C an anything broad(a) discern erupt of Nazareth? he said.Joshua, Biff, Bartholomew, Philip said, this is my friend Nathaniel.I know you, Joshua said. I saw you when we last passed by dint of here.Then, inexplicably, Nathaniel fell to his knees in front of Joshuas camel and said, You are authentically the Messiah and the Son of God.Joshua looked at me, then at Philip, then at the kid, prostrating himself on camels feet. Because Ive seen you before you believe that Im the Messiah, even though a mi icee ago nothing good could come out of Nazareth?Sure, why not? said Nathaniel.And Josh looked at me again, as if I could explain it. Meanwhile Bartholomew, who was on foot along with his pack of doggie followers (whom he had disturbingly begun to refer to as his disciples), went over to Nathaniel and championed the boy to his feet. Stand up, if youre coming with us.Nathaniel prostrated himself before Bartholomew now. You are truly the Messiah and the Son of God.No, Im not, Bart said, l ifting the kid to his feet. He is. Bart pointed to Joshua. Nathaniel looked to me, for some reason, for confirmation.You are truly a babe in the woods, I said to Nathaniel. You dont gamble, do you?Biff Joshua said. He shook his take aim and I shrugged. To Nathaniel he said, Youre welcome to join us. We share the camels, our food, and what little money we start. Here Joshua nodded toward Philip, who had been nominated to carry the communal purse because he was good at math.Thanks, said Nathaniel, and he fell in behind us.And so we became louver.Josh, I said in a harsh whisper, that kid is as dumb as a stick.Hes not dumb, Biff, he just has a talent for belief.Fine, I said, turning to Philip. Dont let the kid anywhere near the money.As we headed out of the square toward the Mount of Olives, Abel and Crustus, the devil old blind guys whod helped me over Maggies wall, called out from the gutter. (Id well-educated their names after correcting their little gender mistake.)Oh son of David, guide mercy on usJoshua pulled up on the reins of his camel. What makes you call me that?You are Joshua of Nazareth, the young preacher who was studying under John?Yes, I am Joshua.We heard the Lord say that you were his son with whom he was well pleased.You heard that?Yes. About five or six weeks ago. Right out of the sky.Dammit, did everyone hear but me?Have mercy on us, Joshua, said one blind guy.Yeah, mercy, said the other.Then Joshua climbed raze from his camel, laid his hands upon the old mens eyes, and said, You shit faith in the Lord, and you behave heard, as evidently everyone in Judea has, that I am his son with whom he is well pleased. Then he pulled his hands from their faces and the old men looked almost.Tell me what you see, Joshua said.The old guys sort of looked around, face nothing.So, ensnare me what you see.The blind men looked at each other.Something wrong? Joshua asked. You can see, cant you?Well, yeah, said Abel, but I concept thered be more col or.Yeah, said Crustus, its kind of dull.I stepped up. Youre on the edge of the Judean desert, one of the to the highest degree lifeless, desolate, hostile places on earth, what did you expect?I dont know. Crustus shrugged. More.Yeah, more, said Abel. What color is that?Thats brown.How about that one?That would be brown as well.That color over there? Right there?Brown.Youre sure thats not mauve.Nope, brown.And Brown, I said.The two former blind guys shrugged and walked off mumbling to each other.Excellent healing, said Nathaniel.I for one have never seen a better healing, said Philip, but then, Im new.Joshua rode off shaking his head.When we came into Cana we were broke and hungry and more than ready for a feast, at least most of us were. Joshua didnt know about the feast. The wedding was universe held in the courtyard of a very large house. We could hear the drums and singers and smell spiced meat cooking as we approached the gates. It was a large wedding and a couple of kids wer e waiting outside to tend to our camels. They were curly haired, unchewable little guys about ten years old they reminded me of evil versions of Josh and me at that age.Sounds exchangeable a wedding going on, Joshua said.Park your camel, sir? said the camel-parking kid.It is a wedding, said Bart. I thought we were here to help Maggie.Park your camel, sir? said the other kid, pulling on the reins of my camel.Joshua looked at me. Where is Maggie? You said she was sick?Shes in the wedding, I said, pulling the reins back from the kid.You said she was dying.Well, we all are, arent we? I mean, if you think about it. I grinned.You cant park that camel here, sir.Look, kid, I dont have any money to tip you. Go away. I hate handing my camel over to the camel-parking kids. It unnerves me. Im always sure that Im never going to see it again, or its going to come back with a tooth missing or an eye poked out.So Maggie isnt really dying?Hey, guys, Maggie said, stepping out of the gate.Maggie, Jo shua said, throwing his arms up in surprise. Problem was, he was so intent on looking at her that he forgot to grab on again, and off the camel he went. He hit the ground facedown with a thump and a wheeze. I jumped down from my camel, Barts dogs barked, Maggie ran to Josh, rolled him over, and cradled his head in her lap while he tried to get his breath back. Philip and Nathaniel waved to people from the wedding who were peeping through the gate to see what all the commotion was about. Before I had a chance to turn, the two kids had leapt up onto our camels and were galloping around the loge off to Nod, or South Dakota, or some other place I didnt know the location of.Maggie, Joshua said. Youre not sick.That depends, she said, if theres any chance of a laying on of hands.Joshua smiled and b unsparinged. I lost you.Me too, Maggie said. She fondleed Joshua on the lips and held him there until I started to squirm and the other disciples started to clean up their throats and bark ge t a live under their breaths.Maggie stood up and helped Joshua to his feet. Come on in, guys, she said. No dogs, she said to Bart, and the hulking Cynic shrugged and sat down in the street amid his canine disciples.I was craning my neck to see if I could see where our camels had been taken. Theyre going to thrash those camels into the ground, and I know they wont feed or urine them.Who? asked Maggie. Those camel-parking boys.Biff, this is my youngest brothers wedding. He couldnt even afford wine. He didnt employ any camel-parking boys.Bartholomew stood and rallied his troops. Ill find them. He lumbered off.Inside we feasted on beef and mutton, all manner of fruits and vegetables, bean and nut pastes, cheese and first-pressed olive oil with cover. There was singing and dancing and if it hadnt been for a few old guys in the corner looking very cranky, youd never have known that there wasnt any wine at the party. When our people danced, they danced in large groups, lines and circl es, not couples. There were mens dances and womens dances and very few dances where both could participate, which is why people were staring at Joshua and Maggie as they danced. They were definitely dancing together.I retreated to a corner where I saw Maggies sister Martha watching as she nibbled at some bread with goat cheese. She was twenty-five, a shorter, sturdier version of Maggie, with the same auburn hair and blue eyes, but with less tendency to laugh. Her husband had disjoint her for grievous skankage and now she lived with her older brother Simon in Bethany. Id gotten to know her when we were little and she took messages to Maggie for me. She offered me a bite of her bread and cheese and I took it.Shes going to get herself stoned, Martha said in a slightly bitter, moderately jealous, younger sister tone. Jakan is a member of the Sanhedrin.Is he still a hoodlum?Worse, now hes a bully with power. Hed have her stoned, just to prove that he could do it.For dancing? Not even the Pharisees If anyone saw her kiss Joshua, thenSo how are you? I said, changing the subject.Im living with my brother Simon now.I heard.Hes a leper.Look, theres Joshuas mother. I have to go say hello.Theres no wine at this wedding, Mary said.I know. Strange, isnt it?James stood by scowling as I hugged his mother.Joshua is here too?Yes.Oh good, I was afraid that you two might have been arrested along with John.Pardon me? I stepped back and looked to James for explanation. He seemed the more appropriate bearer of adult news.You hadnt heard? Herod has thrown John in prison for inciting people to revolt. Thats the excuse anyway. Its Herods wife who wanted John silenced. She was tired of having Johns followers refer to her as the slut.I patted Marys shoulder as I stepped away. Ill tell Joshua that youre here.I found Joshua sitting in a far corner of the courtyard playing with some children. nonpareil little young woman had brought her pet rabbit to the wedding and Joshua was holdin g it in his lap, petting its ears.Biff, come line up how soft this bunny girl is.Joshua, John has been arrested.Josh slowly handed the bunny back to the little girl and stood. When?Im not sure. Shortly after we left, I guess.I shouldnt have left him. I didnt even tell him we were leaving.It was bound to happen, Joshua. I told him to lay off Herod, but he wouldnt listen. You couldnt have done anything.Im the Son of God, I could have done something.Yeah, you could have gone to prison with him. Your mother is here. Go talk to her. Shes the one that told me.As Joshua embraced Mary, she said, Youve got to do something about this wine situation. Wheres the wine?James tapped Joshua on the shoulder. Didnt bring any wine with you from the lush vineyards of Jericho? (I didnt like hearing sarcasm being used by James against Joshua. I had always thought of my invention as being used for good, or at least against people I didnt like.)Joshua light pushed his mother away. You shall have wine, h e said, then he went off to the side of the house where drinking water was stored in large stone jars. In a few minutes he returned with a pitchers mound of wine and cups for all of us. A shout went through the party and suddenly everything seemed to step up a level. Pitchers and cups were filled and drained and filled again, and those who had been near the wine jars started declaring a miracle had been performed, that Joshua of Nazareth had turned water into wine. I looked for him, but he was nowhere to be found. Having been free of sin all of his life, Joshua wasnt very good at dealing with guilt, so he had gone off by himself to try to numb the guilt he mat up over Johns arrest.After a few hours of subterfuge and guile, I was able to get Maggie to sneak out the back gate with me.Maggie, come with us. You talked to Joshua. You saw the wine. Hes the one.Ive always known he was the one, but I cant come with you. Im married.I thought you were going to be a fisherman.And I thought you were going to be a village idiot.Im still looking for a village. Look, get Jakan to divorce you.Anything he can divorce me for he can also kill me for. Ive seen him pass judgment on people, Biff. Ive seen him lead the mobs to the stonings. Im afraid of him.I learned to make poisons in the East. I raised my eyebrows and grinned. Huh?Im not going to poison my husband.I take a breathed, an exasperated sigh that Id learned from my mother. Then leave him and come away with us, far from Jerusalem where he cant reach you. Hell have to divorce you to save face.Why should I leave, Biff? So I can follow around a man who doesnt want me and wouldnt take me if he did?I didnt know what to say, I felt like knives were twisting in fresh contuses in my chest. I looked at my sandals and pretended to have something caught in my throat.Maggie stepped up, put her arms around me, and laid her head against my chest. Im sorry, she said.I know.I missed both of you, but I missed just you too.I know.Im not going to sleep with you.I know.Then please cop rubbing that against me.Sure, I said.Just then Joshua stumbled through the gate and crashed into us. We were able to catch ourselves and him before anyone fell. The Messiah was holding the little girls pet bunny, hugging it to his cheek with the big back feet swinging free. He was gloriously drunk. Know what? Josh said. I love bunnies. They toil not, neither do they bark. Henceforth and from now on, I decree that whenever something bad happens to me, there shall be bunnies around. So it shall be written. Go ahead Biff, write it down. He waved to me under the bunny, then turned and started back through the gate. Wheres the friggin wine? I got a dry bunny over hereSee, I said to Maggie, you dont want to miss out on that. BunniesShe laughed. My favorite music.Ill get word to you, she said. Where will you be?I have no idea.Ill get word to you.It was midnight. The party had wound down and the disciples and I were sitting in the street o utside of the house. Joshua had passed out and Bartholomew had put a keen dog under his head for a pillow. Before he had left, James had made it abundantly clear that we werent welcome in Nazareth.Well? said Philip. I guess we cant go back to John.Im sorry I didnt find the camels, Bartholomew said.People teased me about my yellow hair, said Nathaniel.I thought you were from Cana, I said. Dont you have family we can stay with?Plague, said Nathaniel.Plague, we all said, nodding. It happens.Youll probably be needing these, came a voice out of the darkness. We all looked up to see a short but powerfully built man walking out of the darkness, leading our camels.The camels, said Nathaniel.My apologies, said the man, my brothers sons brought them home to us in Capernaum. Im sorry its taken so long to get them back to you.I stood and he handed the camels reins to me. Theyve been fed and watered. He pointed to Joshua, who was snoring away on his terrier. Does he always drink like that?Only when a major prophet has been imprisoned.The man nodded. I heard what he did with the wine. They say he also healed a lame man in Cana this afternoon. Is that true?We all nodded.If you have no place to stay, you can come home with me to Capernaum for a twenty-four hour period or two. We owe you at least that for taking your camels.We dont have any money, I said.Then youll flavor right at home, said the man. My name is Andrew.And so we became six.